Like so:
Hooray! Exams! I get to (completely) fill in little circles! I get to line up my calculator and pencils! Somebody's going to grade me!
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Oh shit. Somebody's going to grade me. On something I've been doing in a professional capacity for almost a decade. What if - as I suspect - I'm just a giant fraud who knows nothing, and my results come back and everyone finds out and it turns out they knew it all along?
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I should probably wear a girdle.
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And blow dry my hair.
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I know most of this stuff. I use at least seventy percent of it on a weekly basis. Focus on the stuff I know and the rest will sort itself out.
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WHICH IS WHY I'M GOING TO FAIL AND IT WILL BE IRONIC.
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Do I have time to buy a new shirt?
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Speaking of time, the exam time is listed in 24-hour time. I HAVE PREVIOUSLY DEMONSTRATED MY INABILITY TO GET 12-HOUR TIME RIGHT. This seems unfair.
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Smarten up, chump. My body looks like this, therefore this is what my body should look like, remember? Girdles don't make me smarter.
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But they make me feel smarter.
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I wish we could have coffee in the exam, then I could look all confident and trendy holding my really tall coffee cup, and everyone will know how smart and cool I am.
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Are tall coffee cups even cool anymore? Were they ever?
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I get to miss the After-School, Before Dinner Hour of Horror, and write an exam today! EVERYTHING'S COMING UP SANDI!
