July 29, 2014

And The Shower Amnesia Set In, And All Was Lost

You know that feeling you have in the shower sometimes, when you finish shaving your legs or whatever, and you realize that - although [feeling around] it seems as though you've washed everything you always wash in the shower - you have no memory of having done so? Or instead of following the everyday groove of Shampoo, Conditioner, Face, Armpits, Ladybits, Shave Legs, Rinse you skip inexplicably through Shampoo, Conditioner, Legs, Shamp-- before the needle scratches and you wonder where on earth your head's at?

And then you realize that Shower Amnesia has crept soundlessly into other (unrelated) areas of your life? Like when you're on the way out the door and smell A Smell - one that you recognize by virtue of the fact that you have three kids under six who still occasionally wet themselves...only none of them are around. And you remember pulling your pants out of the dryer not half an hour ago, and - hopefully - would have noticed peeing yourself.

And you start to unravel the path you travelled to get to where you were, smelling vaguely pissy, keys in hand, at your front door with no time to change, and you remember moving the wet wash to the dryer, and you remember loading the washing machine with dirty clothes in the first place, but what you don't remember is putting soap in? And then you sniff at your own pants like a weirdo, hoping against hope that you're just suffering from Laundry Amnesia, and that of course you put soap in the washer because you always do, right after closing the door and before turning it on? And then you realize that there's no way on earth your pants would smell like they had been washed in pee and then dried at high heat unless they actually, in fact, were?

And then you go out anyway, because:
          A) Who has time to change? and
          B) Who has more than one pair of pants that fit?