Life's Profound Questions

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So I've had a week and a bit to think very deeply about some profound questions I've been grappling with recently, and I think in at least one case I've found the answer:

My kids have such delicious round chubby cheeks as babies because my shoulder is their head rest of choice and - physiologically speaking - most closely resembles a coat hanger with skin. Comfy.

Related: Lucy is not a mommy's girl. She only cries when I leave the room because I have such an ugly back.

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On a completely unrelated note, yesterday I had a meeting that was so important that I wore a girdle for it. It was a super-duper top secret meeting about something that I'm more than a little excited about but for reasons of national security lame secrecy cannot talk about yet.

But I will. Bet on it.

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Also, this?

This has become a serious problem.

Help. Me.