April 16, 2012

Tossing The Old Google Salad

Once again, my friends, it's time to examine how you got here - and by "you" I mean "the coolest people I've never met."

By "the coolest people I've never met" I mean "people who are very possibly Disturbed."

And by "once again", I mean "Rebecca the house cleaner is here and I need to look busy".

Public Service Answers:

how do you pronounce boterkoek, how to eat french bread, and how to make friends at a store?
Boterkoek, with your mouth, and wear funny hats.

does root beer have pig?

what is a way to not smell burf when you are cleaning it up?
Burf's a funny thing, you know. Tricky. But I'm glad you got your answer, and hope you stop burfing soon.

how to say moneyon daper?
Put on your funniest hat, go to the store, and make friends with someone who can type.

Statements To Which There Are No Answers:

i want free stuff. Me too.

i know im a day late and a dollar short. Um.

the other dumb kids people. Yes?

babies like nice people. Not necessarily.

Three People I Have To Meet Somehow:

all together now where are the carrots, macarons aren't even that great, and pulled pork there are no pictures because i ate it all.

Questions For Which The Only Appropriate Response Is Visual: 
what does the mona lisa look like?

 patching a jean hole monster?

Best Example Of A First Time Search Engine User:

"still wears" diaper or nappy or "pull-up" or "pull-ups" or pullup or goodnites or underjams or drynites or pampers

Thoughts That I Will Now Attempt To Finish Satisfactorily:

i want know how you feel about me

i was about to tell you
That lemons are on sale three for a dollar until Saturday.

thanks for reminding me that
Zombies may be able to walk on the sea floor, but you're only in danger if the water is shallow.

Queries That Are Best Answered By Other Queries:

Q: wheel of time boobs?

A: geek corset

Q: the sound of metal?

A: "thxthxthx" or"lkkljkjikihiyz",depending on the ambient temperature of the room you're listening to it in.

Q: Built in gun cabinet under stairs plans, walk in closet with gun cabinet and earthquake gun?

A: See: zombies and "blame". Also possibly motherhood advice.


You're welcome. All of you. Even 1940s toilet bucket.