October 20, 2011

Potty Mouth

Weeks ago, I promised you a picture of our toilet, and I know you've been waiting on tenterhooks ever since.

You're welcome.

Why show you a picture of our toilet? I hate it, that's why. I hate it with a deep, soul-eating passion.

When we moved to this house, just before Jr was born, the downstairs toilet was older than I am. Certainly bluer than I am, even on days like Monday (seriously, did you SEE that awesome drawing?)

But that old, blue toilet had two wonderful characteristics, qualities I sadly took for granted while it lived with us: the seat stayed put when I sat on it, and there was lots of water in the bowl.

We had plans to replace it eventually. You know, in the very futuristic future when we A) save up the money to do the whole bathroom and B) somewhat improbably get sick of the colour. But then Old Blue started to leak. A lot.

And so Mr decreed that it had to go.

When the new toilet was installed, I was excited. Who doesn't get excited by a brand new, sparkly-clean bathroom fixtures? Okay, fine. YOU don't. But I did.

...until I realized that it's a brand new, sparkly-clean low-flow toilet, with minimal water in the bowl and minimal water in the tank. That's a problem for us cloth diapering types. The whole swish-swish poop removal system doesn't work so well with only an inch of water in the bowl, let me tell you.

So we had to invest in a diaper sprayer, which really cheesed me off since I don't want to have to buy all sorts of fancy-pants accessories - the whole point of switching to cloth diapers was to reduce our spending. That's the first reason I hate this toilet.

But the second reason that I hate this toilet is worse by far. I know: what could be worse than being forced - by a toilet - to spend money? But it is, trust me.

The toilet seats moves when you sit on it. Someone out there, back me up: isn't a toilet seat that moves if you lift your eyebrows while you're sitting on it The Worst Thing In The World?

I'd rather peep in a saucepan.