Oh my goodness! It's Saturday, and YOU got up early for work. How silly. Do yourself a favour: get another cup of coffee, curl up in bed with the iPad you don't have, connected to the WiFi you can't figure out the password to, and read this instead. Because it's not too late for you to have a science-fiction themed pumpkin for Halloween.
Or I could always write you a poem for Terry Pratchet...
* * *Sadly, that title sounds rather vague, at least until you get a gander at this post. But the alternative title, A Pictorial Tutorial in Template Pumpkin Carving, just didn’t sound as snappy...
I wrote that, then realized neither the globe nor months actually have corners, but we’re about to see pics of when Mr Lannis let me use his power tools on vegetables! so let’s move quickly, shall we?
Basically, I decided to dig out the photos I took last year of my foray into template pumpkin carving to share with our schnazzy little group here at The Mrs.
Also? This entire post is highly geeky, so I’m inordinately (perhaps impossibly!) proud.
See? Wheel of Time related. Told you this would be geeky.
First, we need some tools. No, not people. Tools. Thank you, peanut gallery. (Editor's Note: You're welcome.)
Nothing special. Just a nail file, a paring knife, a chisel, and a screw. Not pictured: the drill Mr Lannis gave in and let me play with — whee! — but that happened, unexpectedly, later. Erm, and tape. You’ll need tape.
Now, empty out your pumpkin, hollowing out the choice carving side is a good idea if your pumpkin is extremely thick.
Next, choose your template. POINTS FOR GEEKINESS! — remember, this will look amazeballs regardless of how it turns out. And I’ve learned people (especially the kidlet variety), are easily wowed (those of the parental variety are, too, even if it’s only from fathoming having the time to do something more than, say, a few triangles and a gap-toothed smile).
Making a template is easy — the Internet and a printer and you're good to go. Wheel of Time chapter icons are excellent for this (obviously), but anything will do. For kids' cartoon characters, I'd look at free colouring pages online for decent black and white images. Be adventurous! Print out your choice as large as you can, providing it fits the carving space on your pumpkin.
Center and tape your template to the pumpkin, and you’re ready to pick up sharp things! Okay, maybe just the screw.
Using the screw (or a wide pin, nail, or anything sharp), punch holes to trace your template onto the pumpkin. Use LOTS of holes, because it can be tricky to see your guide lines if you don't.
See? Lots of holes punched.
Removing the template, use a sharp knife to cut along the dotted lines, but don’t cut all the way through your pumpkin! About halfway is good. You want to your candle to glow through the rind when it’s lit, not be seen through giant holes in your hollowed-out squash bucket (who came up with this wacko tradition anyway?).
I found it easiest to cut out small chunks and carefully remove the pieces one at a time. Yes, this is the time-consuming part.
Use the chisel to clean up the grooves. There’re no points for neatness — and if your neighbourhood is anything like mine, you’re basically competing with kindergardeners (read: yours will be über-cool, regardless, so no worries).
It was at this time that Mr Lannis took pity on my ambitious butt and suggested I use the drill to carve the pips of the die. It was that or he was tired of hearing me create swear words — and I can be pretty creative. (Editor's Note: She can. Trust me.)
(The winning toss! Or the losing toss... wait, erm, that doesn't sound positive at all... go Light!)
I drilled all the way through the pumpkin in the hopes that the pips would glow better. And in the way of jack-o-lanterns, they never look quite as good in a photo as they do in person.
We'll drink the wine till the cup is dry,
And kiss the girls so they'll not cry,
And toss the dice until we fly,
To dance with Jak o' the Shadows.
Sorry — can’t have a Mat-related jack-o-lantern without a little Jak o’ the Shadows to accompany it...
Now go forth! Carve your geeky WoT hearts content! Pepper your porches with WoT-y goodness! Revel in extreme geekery and know that you have the coolest jack-o-lanterns, despite how your husband rolls his eyes with that tone of voice.
Or, you know, you could use the skills in this post to carve another, equally intricate design to wow your neighbours.
I’m sure Disney princesses are charming.
But bonus points for unabashed geekery. It is hip to be square, after all.
Now to decide what to carve in this year’s squash bucket...
Occasional poster at The Mrs, I'm Lannis - or Leslie, depending on which circles you're swimming. A while ago I decided that I don't care anymore, hence my general standards for life are lower than The Mrs' (but she still loves me.) [Editor: I do]
I live in a small town with my favourite people: my husband, Mr Lannis, and our two boys, along with two cats and one hamster.
If you follow me on Twitter, you might witness my issues with linear thought, road rage, spending more money on food than books, and potty mouth. Be warned.