August 23, 2011

Google Salad

Let's have a chat about how you got here, you and I.

By "how you got here", I don't mean the birds and the bees.

And by "you", I mean those of you who found me by searching for crazy things that real people don't actually type into search engines.

(By me, I mean me. You know, me? Maybe you don't. Go eat a stick of butter - preferably in the form of boter koek, have a nap, look at my sad collection of food pins on Pinterest, and come back. Then you'll have a little more insight into my complex and multi-faceted character.)

Let's talk about what you're looking for, shall we?

thanks for remind me of

You're welcome.

better to close fridge

Yes. Yes it is. Especially if it is evil and wants to rot your food. Or eat your cats.

On second thought, leave it open. You can always buy more food.

bubble inside eyeball

I'm so glad I didn't disappoint you. It went away. Too bad, too, because it made a great conversation starter, and not just on the internet:

Stranger: Hey, is that a bubble inside your eyeball?

Me: Yes. It is.

Stranger: Is it going to pop?

Me: Dunno. I hope not.

Stranger: What's wrong with you?

Me: ...

cover completely with root beer pulled pork

Yes please. Let's be friends.

former spendthrift now a millionaire

Yeah, I'd like to find that person too. Sorry I'm not her...maybe check back in seventy-two years, give or take.

freezer "powered by blogger"

No it isn't. It's powered by electricity, but if you have an in with Google, I'm totally interested. I'll tattoo "Powered by Blogger" on my forehead, if it means my freezer runs on it.

how to bring dirt in a backyard

You've got the wrong idea, brother. We have plenty of dirt. It's flowers and vegetables we want.

how to make something in fifteen minutes

Sushi + Wine + The kids you already have are in bed.

Oh, were you talking about bread? I'm totally embarrassed. Maybe this post is about the birds and the bees.

i am having trouble coming up with something totally out of character

What? For like, a dare or something? Me too.

it's just food, root beer pulled pork

Who ARE you? And how did you get here, because clearly this is not a sentiment that we share. 

poems about pea soup for hungry kids

I don't know about your kids, but if mine were hungry, and I tried to read them a poem about pea soup, they'd jump me and eat my eyeballs. Probably. 

quicktax 2010 crack

Okay, well YOU are obviously in the right place, and are my kind of person. Let's do lunch.

she squeaked

I cannot for the life of me figure out what you were trying to get to with that as your search term. Email me, please. I'm so intrigued.

spaider soliters

Ditto. Except maybe skip the email.

stealth frugal living